Thursday, June 3, 2010

How do you know?

You know you're married to and/or living with a medical student if...
  • You feel the need to let your doctor know that your spouse is in med school—like it's going to earn you a gold star or better service or something—and then you use medically preferred terms (like "urinate" instead of "pee") to prove it.
  • Eating dinner next to a textbook with a graphic picture of a skin disease (pemphigus vulgaris, anyone?) not only doesn't bother you, it's a jumping off point for the meal's conversation.
  • You don't find out until about half-way through the semester that your husband wears the same pair of scrubs every day in the anatomy dissection lab, and oh by the way, can you wash them?
  • You know who "Poppie" Goljan is and have heard most of his life story second-hand from your husband in the glowing, admiration-filled praise he normally reserves for rock stars and super-heroes.
  • You find yourself making songs out of catchy medical terms because they’re fun to say (i.e. ankylosing spondylitis: “ANG-key-LOHS-ing SPAWN-dee-LIE-tis!”), but you have no idea what they mean.
  • There is no longer any mystery at all surrounding the female physical exam because your husband, who was worried that you would freak out because he was forced to practice it on volunteer patients, described every move to you in detail so it wouldn't seem like infidelity. Those poor, poor volunteers…
  • Purchases are rationalized with: “Well, we’re thousands of dollars in debt anyway, so in the scheme of things…”
  • Your Palahniuk collection on the bookshelf is slowly being overtaken by far more disturbing literary works: Step 1 Boards prep materials and illustrated pathology textbooks.
  • You stop biting your fingernails because WOAH. Do you have any idea what kind of stuff can live under there?!
  • The Latin names for medical terms and the spells from Harry Potter all start to sound the same, so eventually you both end up waving a pretend wand in the air and exclaiming names of fungi without really thinking about it. "Aspergillus fumigatus!" ...oh, is that just us?


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